Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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