i barfeds in our rink
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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