Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
