I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
