Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
