I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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