FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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