My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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