whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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