I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
