Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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