Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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