The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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