Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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