So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
