i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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