He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Two words: nipple clamps
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