Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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