If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
