I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
