mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
