Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
