I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
