My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
