Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
