The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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