i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
