I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
