I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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