I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
