I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
