addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
