she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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