I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
