I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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