He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
