I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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