Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
