My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
