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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
my poor anus
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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