i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
