My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
