Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
