Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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