Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
