I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
