Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
