Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
