i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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