so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
