Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
