It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
