Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
