I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
