Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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