I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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