so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize