I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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