I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
