Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
