why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
