I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize