just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
