just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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