Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just pee around me
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
