matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
