it wasn't lemon gatorade
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
