I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My ATM looks so different sober.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
