Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
