I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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