I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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