Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
