i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
