Your dad touched me again.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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