whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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