Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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