he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
