Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Drunk is not a location!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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