gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize