It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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