it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
