i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
