I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
