he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Even my vagina gasped.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize