They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
