i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
