The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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