About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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