you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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