I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
