i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
