i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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