I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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