At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
