If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
