A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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