bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
