I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
