you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
